I am currently writing this from the bed of my family's truck after dinner, listening to the hum of the crickets in the woods nearby and watching the sky turn progressively darker. This pretty much is the epitome of my struggle as a recent college graduate, living at home once again.
Thankfully, this whole situation is temporary. In about a month and a half, I will once again be on my own, living in a new place and exploring a new job. But it hasn't taken long for issues to arise with my current situation.
My family lives in the suburbs of Massachusetts. We have our whole life. And after traveling more and more, I've concluded that I really am not cut out for this whole suburb thing. In fact, I fucking hate it. I will never be the type of housewife who is satisfied with living such a quiet existence, where my greatest stress is between what shade of paint to use in the kitchen or what sort of cobbler to make on a Sunday afternoon. FUCK THAT.
No, it is not an easy transition going from Los Angeles, where something is happening all the time, you can just Uber wherever you want, go out every night... to these quiet little suburbs. I can't stand it; and to make it 10 million times worse, I don't have a car of my own. My brother takes one car into the city for his volunteering, my mom uses one and my dad uses the third. That leaves zero cars for Melissa.
The result? I've been cooped up in the house for most days. I also am absolutely not used to the horrifying humidity this cursed place has doused me in, so I'm not exactly able to spend every day outside, because that would be just an unnecessary form of self-inflicting pain.
It truly has been the most frustrating adjustment. For the past four years, I went fucking everywhere, whenever I wanted to. I went to Vegas. I road tripped to the Grand Canyon. Sedona. Flagstaff. Yosemite. Zion. Bryce. San Diego. San Francisco. Napa. We fucking WENT places and did whatever the fuck we wanted to.
And then I return home, triumphant with my new college degree, ready to take on my dream job- and I can't even leave my house or go anywhere. OH, and if I do ask to use the car, my parents need to approve of where I'm going, when I'm coming back, and who I'm seeing. HA! WHAT A FUCKING CONCEPT.
Now I'm sure you love feeling like a 15-year old pre-teen once again too. I know I lost it when they pulled that shit. So that is why I still made a point. I wanted to get out of the motherfucking stifling house that they've made so fucking frustrating, but I also can't go anywhere or just go for a drive to blow off some steam. One more month. One more month of this shit. I don't know if I can survive it, honestly.
So....that's why I'm sitting in the darkness, in our Toyota Highlander. I've moved inside the garage because of fucking mosquitos. They didn't have those either in LA, and now that I'm back, these cuntholes know that I'm fresh meat, so they've been sucking the everliving out of me. My legs look like they've been through a war. There's bumps and bruises EVERYWHERE.
God I love being home.
Sunday, August 5, 2018
Monday, July 30, 2018
It's called SYMBOLISM, bro
Wellll, look at that! You decided to read more! Good on ya!
In today's Ted Talk, we discuss why I decided to go with this title: "Pardon Melissa's Take". You may not particularly care for it. You may not get it. That's fine.
This blog is named after "Pardon My Take", one of my favorite sports podcasts from the friendly fellow Massholes over at the sports media company, Barstool Sports. I listened to their podcast a lot in college, and found myself feeling pretty conflicted about it.
See, the two hosts who are known as PFT Commenter and Big Cat, are pretty misogynistic, chauvinist dudes. Think of the stereotypical dudes who live for sports, beer, talking trash, making sex jokes, growing mustaches (but like, in a serious kind of way), eating mountains of wings, that sort of thing. That's pretty much the show.
It's one of the most popular sports podcasts, though, and I get that they're funny. They have a natural rapport with one another and they make a lot of jokes throughout their podcasts and interviews with athletes/coaches/sports commentators. That's why I tuned in, too. That, and they have some pretty interesting takes on moves, trades, and trends in the wonderful world of sports that are helpful to know.
BUT. I wanted to reference their namesake in my own blog for symbolic purposes: putting my own name in there is pretty symbolic of my whole situation as me, Melissa Zhang, an Asian woman in a traditionally male-dominated industry.
Sports are played by both men and women, but when it comes to those who work in the actual industry, you'd have to be delusional to argue that there aren't vastly more men than women. Women are minorities in sports. So are Asians. And guess what? I'm BOTH! Isn't that fantastic!
As a matter of fact, that's actually a huge motivating factor that gives me a lot more conviction in what I'm choosing to pursue for a profession. I think there's a lot I have to be fortunate about, in the sense that I grew up experiencing two very different cultures between my American and Chinese roots. Growing up in a pretty WASP-y, Irish Catholic town in Massachusetts made me more "white-washed", if you will, compared to other Asian girls. I got to look a certain way as an Asian, but internally, I really am two-parts, Chinese and American.
And a lot of the time, the American part heavily dominates the Chinese part, which can be incredibly frustrating when a lot of society writes you off automatically and assumes you're someone who stays in her room all day eating noodles and seaweed snacks, watching anime shows, practicing the violin, and worshipping skinny little boys who apparently rack in millions of dollars as K-Pop stars.
I can't tell you how many times I've told a guy that I work in sports and they give me an expression of surprise or disbelief. It happens allllll the time. And that sort of pattern just compels me further to work harder, to become successful in sports, so that younger generations can live in a world where something like that isn't the most shocking fucking thing ever.
I'm passionate about sports, I will work as hard as anyone else, and if you ask me, I have just as much right to fight for a job in the sports industry as my white male peers.
That's where the conviction lies. I want to prove to others that someone who looks like me can be prominent in a field where there are barely any faces that look like mine.
So there ya go. Because of these reasons that I just ranted about, I went with this title. TL,DR: I have a lot of takes on breaking into the sports world as an Asian woman. Please pardon me as I go ahead and voice them.
I may or may not be incorporating some of their podcast bits, like Mount Rushmores and Guys on Chicks (well in this case, Chicks on Guys) in my later ramblings. I'll explain later.
Stay tuned. Thanks for stopping by again.
In today's Ted Talk, we discuss why I decided to go with this title: "Pardon Melissa's Take". You may not particularly care for it. You may not get it. That's fine.
This blog is named after "Pardon My Take", one of my favorite sports podcasts from the friendly fellow Massholes over at the sports media company, Barstool Sports. I listened to their podcast a lot in college, and found myself feeling pretty conflicted about it.
See, the two hosts who are known as PFT Commenter and Big Cat, are pretty misogynistic, chauvinist dudes. Think of the stereotypical dudes who live for sports, beer, talking trash, making sex jokes, growing mustaches (but like, in a serious kind of way), eating mountains of wings, that sort of thing. That's pretty much the show.
It's one of the most popular sports podcasts, though, and I get that they're funny. They have a natural rapport with one another and they make a lot of jokes throughout their podcasts and interviews with athletes/coaches/sports commentators. That's why I tuned in, too. That, and they have some pretty interesting takes on moves, trades, and trends in the wonderful world of sports that are helpful to know.
BUT. I wanted to reference their namesake in my own blog for symbolic purposes: putting my own name in there is pretty symbolic of my whole situation as me, Melissa Zhang, an Asian woman in a traditionally male-dominated industry.
Sports are played by both men and women, but when it comes to those who work in the actual industry, you'd have to be delusional to argue that there aren't vastly more men than women. Women are minorities in sports. So are Asians. And guess what? I'm BOTH! Isn't that fantastic!
As a matter of fact, that's actually a huge motivating factor that gives me a lot more conviction in what I'm choosing to pursue for a profession. I think there's a lot I have to be fortunate about, in the sense that I grew up experiencing two very different cultures between my American and Chinese roots. Growing up in a pretty WASP-y, Irish Catholic town in Massachusetts made me more "white-washed", if you will, compared to other Asian girls. I got to look a certain way as an Asian, but internally, I really am two-parts, Chinese and American.
And a lot of the time, the American part heavily dominates the Chinese part, which can be incredibly frustrating when a lot of society writes you off automatically and assumes you're someone who stays in her room all day eating noodles and seaweed snacks, watching anime shows, practicing the violin, and worshipping skinny little boys who apparently rack in millions of dollars as K-Pop stars.
I can't tell you how many times I've told a guy that I work in sports and they give me an expression of surprise or disbelief. It happens allllll the time. And that sort of pattern just compels me further to work harder, to become successful in sports, so that younger generations can live in a world where something like that isn't the most shocking fucking thing ever.
I'm passionate about sports, I will work as hard as anyone else, and if you ask me, I have just as much right to fight for a job in the sports industry as my white male peers.
That's where the conviction lies. I want to prove to others that someone who looks like me can be prominent in a field where there are barely any faces that look like mine.
So there ya go. Because of these reasons that I just ranted about, I went with this title. TL,DR: I have a lot of takes on breaking into the sports world as an Asian woman. Please pardon me as I go ahead and voice them.
I may or may not be incorporating some of their podcast bits, like Mount Rushmores and Guys on Chicks (well in this case, Chicks on Guys) in my later ramblings. I'll explain later.
Stay tuned. Thanks for stopping by again.
Hello there. Welcome.
Well, hello there.
I guess I'd like to christen this blog with a bit of an introductory post. An appetizer, if you will, for what's to come. So that you're mentally prepared for what you're reading.
The truth is that I've journaled, blogged, or written in diaries all my life. This isn't exactly something exciting and new, like it may be for other bloggers. I discovered at a young age how much I loved writing, relied on writing. You can flip through my many tattered diaries and half-finished "fiction novels"from the early 2000s if you want more proof.
This whole writing thing just helps me process, in ways I simply can't achieve through standard thought streams or conversations with friends and family. It forces you to actively think about something, churn those thoughts into something coherent, somewhat eloquent, and if you're me, quite sarcastic... and then put that out into the world, into a permanent format.
That may not make that much sense, but it's always helped me get by.
If you're beginning to question why you are even reading these words at all, I don't blame you. Grab a glass of wine. Or a can of beer. I know I could go for an ice cold bottle of Kona right now. But before we become true drinking buddies, allow me to share more about myself.
My name is Melissa Zhang. I am 22 years old, as of July 2018, and I was born and raised in suburban Massachusetts. Assuming you have any sort of common sense and can read my last name, you'll realize that I'm Chinese American. My parents finished up their college degrees in China, then decided to immigrate to the US to start their master's degrees and raise a family. They settled down here in lovely New England, where they had me and my younger brother, Jason.
Growing up, I loved a lot of things. I was a huge bookworm and tore through most of your stereotypical young adult series. I also attempted to write books, 100% of which I ended up abandoning halfway through. This is not something I am particularly proud of.
I also was an athlete. My parents were great enough to encourage my brother and I to try every sport under the sun when we were growing up. I played soccer, basketball, t-ball, tennis, and volleyball. I ran track, rode horses, figure skated, swam, skied, and even fenced for a horrific few months before I realized that that was absolutely not my calling in life. Even if I wasn't gifted at the sports I tried, I grew up loving the competitive, team aspects of sports. I didn't realize how much this would affect me later on.
These two aspects of my life have been pretty crucial. See, I always thought that I would try law school out, since I was so into reading and writing. Contrary to my stereotypes as an Asian, I absolutely fucking hate math. Both of my parents got their graduate degrees in computer engineering, and here I am, having never taken an actual physics class. Go figure.
But when I got to college, that idea of being a lawyer went out the window and something new completely took over my life. I attended the University of California, Los Angeles, and I have no shame to admit that I am one of the many UCLA Bruins who could rave about our alma mater for days on end. Fight me.
One of the many things that UCLA gave me was the perspective on life that I desperately needed. I wasn't really questioning or challenging my law school vision before I got there; it just seemed like the natural progression of things. I couldn't go down a math/science route so I definitely wouldn't be becoming Dr. Zhang in this lifetime – so I thought of the most respectable humanities-based professions. Law, easy. Bada-bing, bada-boom. Career, chosen.
Well, it turns out, reading dense court cases and memorizing all of the various legal statutes that our country's legal system has set in place is really not where my heart lies. SHOCKER, right?
UCLA helped me realize how tremendously important it is to be honest about what you're passionate about, and what you love...and then focus on that. It taught me to take risks and explore. The past four years have been so filled with ups and downs that have led me to this point now, where I can't freaking WAIT for the future and what's to come in my professional life, and well, that's why I'm writing. That's why we're here.
I wanted to dedicate this blog to two things:
1. Talking about the journey I've taken to get to this position where I am, in this current moment – a recent college graduate from a top public university, who has her dream job lined up for the fall: working in the Communications Department of the United States Olympic Committee, in Colorado Springs
2. Documenting the various challenges and experiences I face once I move to a new state, integrate myself into a new community, and start my dream job
If that seems like your cup of tea, then feel free to peruse. If not, I won't be offended at all. There's countless other 20-something year olds blogging about their feelings online. I'll just be here, with my bottle of Kona and my thoughts. It was a pleasure meeting you regardless.
I guess I'd like to christen this blog with a bit of an introductory post. An appetizer, if you will, for what's to come. So that you're mentally prepared for what you're reading.
The truth is that I've journaled, blogged, or written in diaries all my life. This isn't exactly something exciting and new, like it may be for other bloggers. I discovered at a young age how much I loved writing, relied on writing. You can flip through my many tattered diaries and half-finished "fiction novels"from the early 2000s if you want more proof.
This whole writing thing just helps me process, in ways I simply can't achieve through standard thought streams or conversations with friends and family. It forces you to actively think about something, churn those thoughts into something coherent, somewhat eloquent, and if you're me, quite sarcastic... and then put that out into the world, into a permanent format.
That may not make that much sense, but it's always helped me get by.
If you're beginning to question why you are even reading these words at all, I don't blame you. Grab a glass of wine. Or a can of beer. I know I could go for an ice cold bottle of Kona right now. But before we become true drinking buddies, allow me to share more about myself.
My name is Melissa Zhang. I am 22 years old, as of July 2018, and I was born and raised in suburban Massachusetts. Assuming you have any sort of common sense and can read my last name, you'll realize that I'm Chinese American. My parents finished up their college degrees in China, then decided to immigrate to the US to start their master's degrees and raise a family. They settled down here in lovely New England, where they had me and my younger brother, Jason.
Growing up, I loved a lot of things. I was a huge bookworm and tore through most of your stereotypical young adult series. I also attempted to write books, 100% of which I ended up abandoning halfway through. This is not something I am particularly proud of.
I also was an athlete. My parents were great enough to encourage my brother and I to try every sport under the sun when we were growing up. I played soccer, basketball, t-ball, tennis, and volleyball. I ran track, rode horses, figure skated, swam, skied, and even fenced for a horrific few months before I realized that that was absolutely not my calling in life. Even if I wasn't gifted at the sports I tried, I grew up loving the competitive, team aspects of sports. I didn't realize how much this would affect me later on.
These two aspects of my life have been pretty crucial. See, I always thought that I would try law school out, since I was so into reading and writing. Contrary to my stereotypes as an Asian, I absolutely fucking hate math. Both of my parents got their graduate degrees in computer engineering, and here I am, having never taken an actual physics class. Go figure.
But when I got to college, that idea of being a lawyer went out the window and something new completely took over my life. I attended the University of California, Los Angeles, and I have no shame to admit that I am one of the many UCLA Bruins who could rave about our alma mater for days on end. Fight me.
One of the many things that UCLA gave me was the perspective on life that I desperately needed. I wasn't really questioning or challenging my law school vision before I got there; it just seemed like the natural progression of things. I couldn't go down a math/science route so I definitely wouldn't be becoming Dr. Zhang in this lifetime – so I thought of the most respectable humanities-based professions. Law, easy. Bada-bing, bada-boom. Career, chosen.
Well, it turns out, reading dense court cases and memorizing all of the various legal statutes that our country's legal system has set in place is really not where my heart lies. SHOCKER, right?
UCLA helped me realize how tremendously important it is to be honest about what you're passionate about, and what you love...and then focus on that. It taught me to take risks and explore. The past four years have been so filled with ups and downs that have led me to this point now, where I can't freaking WAIT for the future and what's to come in my professional life, and well, that's why I'm writing. That's why we're here.
I wanted to dedicate this blog to two things:
1. Talking about the journey I've taken to get to this position where I am, in this current moment – a recent college graduate from a top public university, who has her dream job lined up for the fall: working in the Communications Department of the United States Olympic Committee, in Colorado Springs
2. Documenting the various challenges and experiences I face once I move to a new state, integrate myself into a new community, and start my dream job
If that seems like your cup of tea, then feel free to peruse. If not, I won't be offended at all. There's countless other 20-something year olds blogging about their feelings online. I'll just be here, with my bottle of Kona and my thoughts. It was a pleasure meeting you regardless.
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